1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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