So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
