And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
