i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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