I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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