This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
