dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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