Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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