He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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