Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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