I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
