I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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