I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
