just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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