let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
