also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
