just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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