maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
