this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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