We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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