I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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