If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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