I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
