It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
