So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
