i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
