its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
