and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
