Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i out mim tonsoeep
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
