And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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