My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
