I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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