There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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