so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
