I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
