I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
