i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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