quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
