Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
