That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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