We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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