we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
