Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
