I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
