Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
