If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
