People in love make me want to vomit
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
