I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
foreskin is a definite game changer
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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