Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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