Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you would pick up someone in the library
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
