When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
