You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize