I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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