do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
