do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
