In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
