I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
