My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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