I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
