someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this boner is exhausting
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize