and you said cock pushups were impossible
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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