mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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