I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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