I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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