dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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