help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
