NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just puked most of my soul out..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
