so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
