Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
