Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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