end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
as a side note pls kill me
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
