I cannot find my penis.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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