WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
